5 Things I Learned from Uncertainty
My work and financial stability in the past nine years were pretty much secure, thanks to academia. University life was all I’ve ever known since undergrad. But starting last year, I started to feel in my gut the need to leave those safe walls. It was a big, scary decision. For one, I was already a tenured faculty member. I also started a lab in our department. Then I had HEED — the university-wide group I started that was already becoming known in other regions of the country.
So why leave? To be honest, and this might sound crazy, I just felt like I needed to do something else. What exactly, I didn’t know. I just knew I needed to leave. So I applied for another job, still in government and still related to research. It was a much higher position than the one I had in university. On paper, it was a dream job — it had a mix of materials, design, research, and a lot of interaction with various MSMEs. If I wanted to create impact through work, this position could absolutely give me that. Plus job and financial security.
However, that job application came with a hefty price of uncertainty. Being a government agency, coupled with a global pandemic, I waited for 9.5 months before finally deciding to leave that opportunity behind and move on to the next. Here’s what I learned from those 9.5 months (probably the most uncertain phase in my life to date):
- Take the next right step forward, no matter how small.
I heard from a podcast before that if you don’t know where you’re going, just do the next right thing. I didn’t know where to go outside academia, but when a friend forwarded to me the job opening in another government agency, I saw it as a possible step forward.
While waiting for updates on the status of my job application, I took an online course on packaging design from a well-known British arts university. I saw this as the right step forward because it would help me in my new job if ever I got accepted. If not, I was sure that I could still use what I’ve learned in my other endeavors (creativity is useful anywhere).
When the job application became uncertain (because it was taking way too long), I received an email from QBO Innovation Hub asking for startup ideas for this year’s Startup Weekend Philippines. I saw it as another small step forward. I submitted an idea, which made it to the Top 30, which eventually made it to Top 1! Saliksik was born out of small steps forward. The packaging design training also came in handy, especially the branding part. I made sure that the brand book was one of the first things Saliksik accomplished as a startup.
2. Uncertainty magnifies what truly matters to you.
Living in uncertainty is a good opportunity for introspection. Do titles matter to me? In academia, titles matter. The system is designed to listen to PhD holders. Without that title, you’ll need to work doubly hard before people start noticing and listening to what you have to say. In the course of my work, the titles I earned in academia became a big part of my identity: “Assistant Professor,” “Program Coordinator,” “Founder,” “Executive Director,” “Tenured faculty member” — was I ready to let go of these “identities” for something uncertain?
Then there’s the question of salary. Will I survive with only a 3-units-worth of income as a senior lecturer? The new position I was applying for had a very tempting salary. It was twice that of what I was making in academia. I could easily buy a car and rent my own flat. But do those things really matter to me?
After much thinking, I realized that what mattered to me was being in a job that allowed me to create impact related to nation-building (regardless of title), while having the freedom and security to do things that maximize my potential as a person (because only then can I help others maximize their own potential, too). To achieve this, we come to the third lesson.
3. Your environment matters.
Don’t place yourself where you are always made to feel that you are not enough. Let me be clear, I’ve had a lot of great colleagues in academia. Really, really awesome and good-hearted people who are like family to me. But when the system starts operating in ways that no longer align with your values as a person, that’s a big red flag. I learned that a person will never reach their potential if they are hindered by their environment. Don’t be afraid to walk away when circumstances demand it. Choose your battles wisely. You don’t need to put out every fire you see.
4. You need to make a decision and own the consequences.
I was still holding on to my ongoing job application even after Saliksik was created. I already went through all 6 rounds of interviews and exams and was merely waiting for the final decision to come. When Saliksik turned 2 months old and was showing a lot of promise in terms of validation of our value proposition, I had to face reality. I was well-aware of how tedious and demanding government work can be, especially in a high position in a national agency. If I get accepted, Saliksik will slide down the priority list. Do I want that?
I was never explicitly informed that I was accepted, nor was I informed that I was rejected (hence, the uncertainty. haha). But the agency was giving me the impression that I was already accepted, so my assumption was they were merely waiting for bureaucracy to take its course. I’ve been repeatedly saying no to several opportunities for the past 9.5 months because I had no idea when I would be called in to start working. My mom who worked in Intel before as HR said that this was a human resources nightmare. “9.5 months for a job application!?”
I then realized that there was a way out of this particular uncertainty — I can just walk away from it and finally move on to something I had more control of. I decided to choose Saliksik, while teaching part-time in academia.
Saliksik’s future is equally uncertain, but at least it’s a “good” kind of uncertainty in that I’m part of the group that’s controlling this plane’s direction (I had near-zero control on government bureaucracy. LOL).
Again, don’t be afraid to walk away when circumstances demand it. Make a decision and own it.
5. Uncertainty brings you back to your Source.
I think the Source is the only constant in our lives. Some people refer to this “Source” as God, the Force, Universe, etc. You get what I mean. It was a long and deep conversation with Him before I came to the point of deciding to choose Saliksik (we’ve been having this conversation since 2018). I remember very clearly meditating in front of my mini-altar right before I hit the “send” button informing the agency that I already pursued another opportunity. Nanawagan na ako pati sa lahat ng mga santo at bodhisattva (I’m also Buddhist) sa mundo para gabayan ako. :))) “Lord, this is it!!!!” After pressing “send,” I felt relief and excitement. I guess that was a good sign.
Originally written on July 30, 2020. The author is migrating her works to Medium from other platforms.
